Talking about a boyfriend and stuff

For a Southern woman the phrase about growing old gracefully is about to start to 'set in'. I get real tired of those folks that say 'oh it's better than the alternative'. REALLY? And how do you know that? I figure once I get past the Pearly Gates, learning to play the harp is gonna be a pretty darn good ride! Of course, getting thru the Pearly Gates is yet another story all in its own. Years ago I told you all about my best boyfriend Louie, my cat. Well Louie and I are still doing great together. We've even moved and he didn't run away. But that could be because I never as in never let him out of the house. Well about Louie, he loves me like no other. That would be because I adopted him when he was less than 2 months old and no one else has lived in the house w/him except me. Now I realize Southern women may not be 'known' for what I'm about to indulge to you but we do have our fun!
Let me start by saying that Louie IS the man of the house. Now he doesn't always take to the visitors that I invite in. I'll tell you about one of my gentlemen friends. He's gonna be called Steve for purposes unknown to me. Let's say, just because. I've known Steve and dated him before Louie came into my life. Louie came along and recently Steve came right on back kinda like he always does. But then that's yet another story and a really really long one at that.
First visit back, let's just say there was alot of hissing going on. Louie would peek his head around the corner of the landing of the stairwell and catch the eye of Steve and hiss w/out cease. Later, he'd appear alittle further down the stairs and start the hiss routine again. As the afternoon went along, Louie ventured on down to the floor and across the room to Steve's leg. Just a little smell and the idiot (Steve) hissed back at Louie...a real no no w/me. I think Steve got the message...date was continued at a later time. Next few visits went about the same w/Louie and Steve...little smelling going on and a Steve that sat still and DID NOT hiss back. Now the visits were beginning to 'heat up' I'll say so Steve and I were getting really comfortable w/no shoes, etc. etc. I'll suffice it to say that Louie liked this even less than before. I learned that Louie does not like for anyone to invade his nap time on the couch beside me! Steve knows that now too.
Much as I love my Louie, I went on w/this fun time w/Steve. A collective sign would be when Louie could not be found anywhere in the house. Maybe Steve and I could have a little alone time...off w/the shoes for some footsie playtime. I had noticed that Louie had indeed come into the room but since he didn't hiss, I said nothing. Have you ever walked into an airspace that a cat has just 'used'? Well I swear that Louie has been house trained for 3 years (in fact, don't house cats come house trained?). Steve and I jump up. Hunt. Hunt. Louie is 'prancing' off, up the stairs (w/a smile on his little face?). We still hunt. Nothing, nowhere. We decide to go outside for a walk. Maybe Louie just had alittle gas.
Well, he didn't. Let's just say that Louie found a spot maybe he thought was just as stinky. After many explicative words and phrases, Steve left. Steve and I will not be seeing each other nor will he be coming back like he always did!
I'm getting too old for this...